Balliff Bridge & Berry Brow Brass Band

Posted by brian in Our Yorkshire | Wit and Humour - (1 Comments)

A charity collector walked up the garden path of an old Yorkshire Cottage and spoke to the elderly lady owner ‘ Excuse me I am collecting on behalf of the Baliff Bridge & Berry Brow Brass Band’

‘Eh!’ she said

‘I am collecting on behalf of the Bailiff Bridge & Berry Brow Brass Band would you like to contribute?’

‘Eh speak up I’m a bit deaf’

I AM COLLECTING ON BEHALF OF THE BAILIFF BRIDGE & BERRY BROW BRASS BAND’

‘Eh I still can’t hear’

I AM COLLECTING ON BEHALF OF THE BAILIFF BRIDGE & BERRY BROW BRASS BAND’ he thunders.

‘Ah still can’t hear’

So he turns to go and she says ‘An’ close the gate behind thee’

‘You know what you can do with your flippin gate’ he chunters to himself

‘Aye and tha know what tha can do with the blinkin’ Bailiff Bridge & Berry Brow Brass Band’ she alliterates.

Up to Date

And in case you thought Gods Own County and Amazon were not up to date we have worked together to offer you a chance to buy ‘Yorkshire Wit, Character, Folklore and Customs or Wit Character Folklore and Customs of the North Riding of Yorkshire’ by R. Blakeborough first edition published by Henry Frowde (1898)
Sorry it is not yet available on Kindle! We will be kindling later.

Outlook for Bailiff Bridge 2012

Skipton no fly zone

Yorkshire Stereotypes May Be

Posted by brian in Our Yorkshire | Wit and Humour - (0 Comments)

Stereotypes ‘appen

Tight with brass
Pithy with phraseology
‘Straight talking, no nonsense, friendly, hard working, dry humour’
Whippets, flat caps, integrity plus the moors, dales countryside and the east coast.

Stereotype Doggerel

Tha can alus tell a Yorkshire man but that can’t tell im much.

Ear all, see all, say nowt;
Eyt all, sup all, pay nowt;
And if ivver tha does owt fer nowt -
Do it fer thissen.

Stereotype Jokes

There was a community hall full of Yorkshire women all being given a keep fit lesson.
“O.K., ladies. Hands on thighs!”
As one, every woman moved her hands and a voice at the back said “What good’s that, then? I can’t see ‘yer now!”

A man goes to the vet because his cat is poorly. The vet says “Is it a tom?” and the man says “Nay lad, ‘ah’ve got it ‘ere in t’basket!”

All Yorkshire milk comes from ‘uddersfield.

Yorkshire, England, Great Britain and the UK

Posted by tejvan in Wit and Humour - (0 Comments)

Great video. But, no mention of the fact that Yorkshire is the heart of everything.

 

President or Grand Supremo

Posted by brian in Wit and Humour - (0 Comments)

Skipton no fly zone

Meet the West Yorkshire President

Huddersfield, 18 October, 12:45
A chance for members in Kirklees and Calderdale to hear about latest developments, ask about topical issues and raise any concerns. Book your place

Winging her way from Robin Hood Airport then hot footing it up the road network will be our unelected West Yorkshire president (some mistake surely ed)

The Lord-Lieutenant of West Yorkshire

Dr Ingrid M Roscoe BA, PhD, FSA
Despite being born in Rugby she was made a Deputy Lieutenant in 1994, Vice Lord-Lieutenant in 1999 and became the first lady Lord-Lieutenant in the north of England in 2004. She was High Steward of Selby Abbey from 2000 to 2008. She is a trustee of York Minster and of the Yorkshire Sculpture Park.

Presidential Offices
President of the Royal British Legion in West Yorkshire
President of Calderdale Community Foundation
President of the Leeds Philharmonic Society
President, West Yorkshire Scouts
Not The West Yorkshire President referred to above.

 

County of Shopkeepers and Jokers

Posted by brian in Wit and Humour | Yorkshire Business and Money - (1 Comments)

Yorkshire has been the birthplace of many retail organisations. Where would the high street be without  Asda,  Morrisons and Marks & Spencer just for example.

asda-hq

Asda only became nationally known in 1965 having been Associated Dairies and Farm Stores prior to that. The original dairies grew from the advent of milk pasturisation in the 19th century and by the early 20th  Century West Marton and Grassington dairies combined to become Craven Dairies a subsidiary company of Hindell’s Dairy Farmers.  In 1928 Hindell’s expanded into selling pork products and by the end of the second world war had nine companies, eight dairies, two bakeries and various farms employing over 1200 people.

In the 1960′s a bingo hall in Castleford was converted into a supermarket by the Asquith family with late night opening and ‘Permanent Reductions’. They offered Associated Dairies, formerly Hindell’s,  the fresh food and meat concession but a merger was agreed and a new company Asda Stores Ltd was formed. The move southward was started by the purchase ‘Gem’ supermarket in Nottingham and the opening of a store in Chelmsford. Loaded with debt in the 1980′s Archie Norman was brought in to revitalise Asda until the American outfit Walmart took over.

asda-hq

ms1

Marks & Spencer has just finished a sales promotion celebrating 125 years since the business was started in Leeds . Michael Marks an immigrant fro Russia started peddling goods around the Leeds villages before taking a pitch at Leeds open market. Working hard he also took pitches in Castleford and Wakefield until Leeds covered market opened with 6 day trading.   Using sales patter that included ‘don’t ask the price it’s a penny’ and the ‘original penny bazaar’ he probably taught modern day ‘Poundshops’  just how to do it.

Many penny bazaars were opened in the late 1890′s and original lines for sale were supplied under six categories, Haberdashery, Hardware, Toys, Stationery, Earthenware and  Household Goods. In 1894 Thomas Spenser the bookkeeper at Marks’ supplier joined Michael Marks and thus Marks and Spencer was formed.  By the end of 1900 they had 12 shops and 24 market stalls and the headquarters was moved from Leeds to a modern warehouse in Manchester. Thomas Spencer died in his 50′s and Marks was only 48 when he also died but the growth of the company continued so that by the 1914 war there were 140 outlets across the country.  Jumping forward to 2009 and ‘Your M&S’ the latest incarnation it make you wonder how much more could have been achieved if Micheal Marks had lived another 20 years.

Morrisons

William Murdock Morrison was born in Chickenley Wakefield, adopted at seven and apprenticed to a Bradford grocer. In 1899 he set up his own business based on a market stall with closeable curtains. This was similar in format to other grocery retailers like Redmans, Maypole and Drivers. The depression was a time of problems for the business but in 1931 Kenneth Morrison was born (Ken also had two sisters.)  The main shop in Rawson Market Bradford was bombed during the war. In 1950 Ken Morrison was doing National Service when his father died. Ken’s mother a strong lady with great sales skills wanted to know if she should keep the business going for Ken’s return and we know the answer. In 1958 keen to exploit the new self-service concept they were looking for suitable premises. In 1961 they opened in the former Victoria Cinema at Girlington and then Bolton Junction on the other side of the Bradford. Morrisons also innovated with the first supermarket  petrol station on their Morley site. Ken Morrison was knighted in the millennium honours list and the takeover of Safeways was digested by the enlarged group before Ken recently took a well earned retirement.

M&S logos from Designer Blogspot

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God’s Own Bible

Posted by brian in Wit and Humour - (0 Comments)

This video has attracted several interesting comments on youtube;

  • Barnsley t’ capitol o’ Yarkshear? I’s niver od see much tripe in arl me barn dees! But aye, Barnsley ses it arl, that’ll be why the’s tarkin’ like a southerner/foreigner.
  • ere in Castleford we call people from us rival town Feathersone flatcappers, ironically lodes er old blokes wear flatcaps in Castleford too.
  • my spell checker has gone mad

    • Absinthe Makes the Heart Grow Fonder

    Posted by brian in Wit and Humour - (0 Comments)

    Absinthe Rosinette

    What have Degas, Vincent van Gogh, Henri Toulouse Lautrec, Verlaine, Rimbaud, Baudelaire, Oscar Wilde, Edgar Allen Poe, Picasso, Hemingway and many others all got in common? The answer is not Yorkshire in this case! They all feature Absinthe in their works and now I can add myself to that list. (in your dreams ed.)

    I was taken with the concept of a Virtual Absinthe Museum (VAM) to say nothing of Absinthe’s alleged psychoactive properties. VAM So what other virtual museums do we need (if any ed)?

    Virtual Yorkshire Museum Ideas

    Happy Emigrants from Yorkshire – this would be very short and full of angst ridden people dreaming of returning home. You can take them out of Yorkshire but you can’t take Yorkshire out of them.
    Unhappy Immigrants to Yorkshire - similarly would be very short as the only reason to be unhappy about moving to Yorkshire is that you can’t live long enough to be a bone-fides Yorkshireman.
    Knurr and how do you spell it virtual museum- I should knock this idea on the head.
    Women’s rights in Yorkshire – I knew I should have knocked this on the head.

    Absinthe Robette

    If you have an idea for any other Virtual Virtual Museum let us know!

    Credits “Absinthe Rosinette and Absinthe Robette by paukrus, on Flickr under CC BY-SA 2.0”
    The Flâneurs Society

    Virtual Absinthe Museum

    August 1st Not Yorkshire Day

    Posted by brian in Wit and Humour - (0 Comments)

    Irish Brown Herringbone Flat Cap

    There are so many days for this, that and the other. So I am starting a Not Day collection.
    Not Good Friday will be on a Saturday and Not Christmas Day will be on every day but 25th December each year. Not Condom day will be a day celebrated by lots of little kids and Not School Day will not be celebrated by parents.

    August 1st 2011 will be Muslim Not Eating Day as it is the first day of Ramadan. In Scotland it is not Not Fried Mars Bar Day ‘cos everyday is fried Mars bar day even on this sorry excuse for a bank holiday.

    Overseas there will be a French Not Bastille Day n’est pas, America was never discovered on Not Columbus Day, Not Buddha Slimming Days will be frequent and Chinese New Year is Not Yuan Tan or a way of counting sheep.

    Not Today T shirts will be available to wear instead of Not Sex and Drugs and Sausage Roll shirts.

    Not A Word in Yorkshire

    ‘Yorkshire people worry that Yorkshire Day has become a media and marketing jamboree, perpetuating stereotypes of whippets, black puddings and flat caps.’ Others have called it a ‘Masonic Jamboree’ because of its impressive list of council leaders and officials.’ Well it is Not in code says the Grand Master Da Vinci.

    ‘It is almost as artificial as Father’s Day, which, as all thrifty northerners know, was created to sell more greetings cards.’ On terminal one baht ‘at, but wi’ gradely fish and chips; Yorkshire Day The Times, 1 August 1991

    Look North will be hosting a special programme Not Harry Gration Again Day whilst the Murdochs have to give up ideas of publishing Not the Sun on Sunday.

    Not Boxing Day celebrates the female side of the sport which is flourishing, and West Yorkshire has one of the top female boxers in the world in Nicola Adams of Hard & Fast ABC.
    Bob a Job is to be reinstated by the Scout movement as Not Knot? whose there day.

    Not Day-O wont be sung by Harry ‘bananna boat’ Belafonte


    Yorkshire Riding Society     on GodsOwnCounty.

    Thanks for the photo of an Irish Flat cap not a Yorkshire one ”Irish Brown Herringbone Flat Cap by maury.mccown, on Flickr” under creative commons.

    Let us know your Not Day

    Yorkshire Grace

    Posted by brian in Wit and Humour - (0 Comments)

    Mount Grace Priory
    Mount Grace Priory Staddle Bridge, Northallerton, on Flickr thanks to Ambersky235 under creative commons license

    British by birth – Yorkshire by the grace of God!!!!!!!

    God bless us all, an’ mak us able
    Ta eyt all t’ stuff ‘at’s on this table…

    Over the lips and thru the gums look out stomach here it comes!

    We thank the Lord for what we’ve getten:
    But if mooare ‘ad been cutten
    Ther’d mooare ‘a’ been etten…

    “Thank you God for this food….Even if you didn’t have to pay for it.” Carol J Dobson

    Its a good hoss that niver stumbles
    and a good wife that niver grumbles…

    Tha can allus tel a Yorkshireman, but tha can’t tell him much…

    Lets all say grace
    “GRACE”

    Hebden Bridge

    Stick to Sticks

    Posted by brian in Wit and Humour - (0 Comments)

    stickmen with sticks stick to the bus

    I was amused by these stick men with sticks on a bus window! It was better than Morris men with sticks but not a lot!

    Vintage Stick Jokes

    • I am a mystic and this is my stick. ‘Hagha’ Tommy Cooper 1957
    • What’s brown and sticky? …. A stick
    • What ticks on a wall? ….Ticky paper!
    • What do you get when you cross an elephant with a jar of peanut butter? An elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
    • A duck walks into a Superdrug and asks for a tube of ChapStick.
    • The clerk asks, “Will that be cash or charge?”
    • The duck replies, “Put it on my bill!”

    Try drumming up some interest. Perhaps I snared you.