Archive | Wit and Humour

Quirk wit and humourous anecdotes.

Signs of the Times

Is this an instruction to the dustbinmen (refuse operatives if you want to be PC) not to rush to work and finish!

Our favourite sandwich shop sign now sadly closed for lunch and everythingelse!

Oh I did like to be beside the seaside – when Scarborough had the Futurist Theater on Foreshore road.

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Mucky Fat for Your Drip Teacake

Nowt better than a bit of ‘Mucky fat’. That is the nectar of the gods that drips out of a large well cooked beef joint. When poured off it will conceal, rather than set, into two layers. The top will be a tasty float of soft fat or as some say dripping but then we get to the mucky bit. Underneath the fat will be a brown jelly like substance of beefy goodness ideal for spreading  on a breadcake, scuffler or teacake.

The best result is when a helping of fat with a scrape of brown goodness is spread on your bread of choice. Barm cake, roll, bun, oven bottom, batch, cob, stottie, softie bridie, muffin, oggie, bap or buttery will all taste better with a lashing of mucky fat.

I am prepared for this delicacy to be called a drip teacake but not as southerners may say ‘a dripping sandwich’.

 

Do not Mistake Lard  for Drip

  • Another Yorkshire staple is lard! It is a key ingredient for cooking Yorkshire puddings. Batter is best poured into hot lard and cooked until golden brown.
  • Lard is not dripping and vice versa!
  • Lard is made from pigs as dripping is make from beef.
  • Pigs may be mucky but that is just pigs for you.
  • Lardy lads may play rugby league in Ponte or at Cass but they are too big for me to say so.

 

 

 

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Barnsley Food Porn

Barnsley Chops

  • Barnsley does ‘Chops’ better than it does Porn!
  • Soft juicy and succulent these Barnsley Chops are just waiting to be well and truly cooked! Cheeky chops.
  • At the local Chinese no.241 is Barnsley Chop suet – ideal for deep frying and pastry production.
  • Did you think ‘Barnsley Chop’ was a form of vasectomy? If so I am cut to the quick. Barnsley Chops are a snip at your local butchers at £5.55 a pound.
  • Are “Barnsley’s at home” is a local euphemism for menstruation.  As for bloody chops  I am not as sure but check out Doncaster NHS

Barnsley Mutton Chop Whiskers

You Know You are from Barnsley when:-

  • The fast food shop sells a Barnsley Chop  chop chop
  • Snap is something you eat.
  • You know that a bag of spice is something kids eat.
  • You judge a cafe by its black pudding, chops and gravy.
  • You consider having warm chips and chops as your birthright.
  • You call drinking water “Dearne Valley Pop” but have Barnsley Bitter with chops.
  • Your ‘five a day’ means Lyons Cakes after  chops.
  • You visit another town and they “claim” to have Barnsley Chops – but you know better.
  • Your side burns are shaped like chops
  • You’ve been busting your chops writing this post.

More Chops – no chips on chin or whiskers on the stiff upper lip

 Esther M. Zimmer Lederberg  memorial website.

Barnsley Butchers are selling Houses!
Get your car from the Barnsley Chop shop
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John Prescott MP Kingston upon Hull East

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Hull the City of Culture 2017

Baron Prescott, of Kingston upon Hull in the County of East Yorkshire formerly John ‘Prezza’ Prescott or ‘Two Jags’ as he was known during his time as Deputy Prime Minister has been his eloquent self again.  When asked about a potential second home in Blakeney he said  ‘Why would I want to go and live in bloody Norfolk for God’s sake? Nothing good ever came out of bloody Norfolk since Oliver Cromwell.’

Prescott Quotes

‘But I generally recognise, unless we lift the amount of houses in supply, we are not likely to reduce greatly that increase in prices in housing, which even now is two or three times people’s yearly earnings.’

‘I love coming to Tories seats and roughing them up… that is what elections are about.’

‘The objectives remain the same and indeed that has been made clear by the Prime Minister in a speech yesterday that the objectives are clear and the one about the removal of the Taliban is not something we have as a clear objective to implement but it is possible a consequence that will flow from the Taliban clearly giving protection to Bin Laden and the UN resolution made it absolutely clear that anyone that finds them in that position declares themselves an enemy and that clearly is a matter for these objectives.’

That famous punch worthy of Richard Dunn at his best ‘is the only memorable moment Prezza provided in a political career stretching over four decades’ have a look at the hook on You Tube. There is 15 minutes of John Prescott on You Tube if you want some elocution lessons.

The John Prescott Kama Sutra by Kelvin Mackenzie
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Virtual Yorkshire Museums

Absinthe Rosinette

What have Degas, Vincent van Gogh, Henri Toulouse Lautrec, Verlaine, Rimbaud, Baudelaire, Oscar Wilde, Edgar Allen Poe, Picasso, Hemingway and many others all got in common? The answer is not Yorkshire in this case! They all feature Absinthe in their works and now I can add myself to that list. (in your dreams ed.)

I was taken with the concept of a Virtual Absinthe Museum (VAM) to say nothing of Absinthe’s alleged psychoactive properties.  So what other virtual museums do we need (if any ed)?

Virtual Yorkshire Museum Ideas

Happy Emigrants from Yorkshire – this would be very short and full of angst ridden people dreaming of returning home. You can take them out of Yorkshire but you can’t take Yorkshire out of them.
Unhappy Immigrants to Yorkshire – similarly would be very short as the only reason to be unhappy about moving to Yorkshire is that you can’t live long enough to be a bone-fides Yorkshireman.
Knurr and how do you spell it virtual museum– I should knock this idea on the head.
Women’s rights in Yorkshire – I knew I should have knocked this on the head.
Virtual Flat Cap – the museum to cap it all.
Absinthe of Yorkshire Bitter – where all good beer goes to go flat

Absinthe Robette

If you have an idea for any other Virtual Virtual Museum let us know!

Credits “Absinthe Rosinette and Absinthe Robette by paukrus, on Flickr under CC BY-SA 2.0”
The Flâneurs Society

 

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Stick to Sticks

stickmen with sticks stick to the bus

I was amused by these stick men with sticks on a bus window! It was better than Morris men with sticks but not a lot!

Vintage Stick Jokes

  • I am a mystic and this is my stick. ‘Hagha’ Tommy Cooper 1957
  • What’s brown and sticky? …. A stick
  • What ticks on a wall? ….Ticky paper!
  • What do you get when you cross an elephant with a jar of peanut butter? An elephant that sticks to the roof of your mouth.
  • A duck walks into a Superdrug and asks for a tube of ChapStick.
  • The clerk asks, “Will that be cash or charge?”
  • The duck replies, “Put it on my bill!”

Try drumming up some interest. Perhaps I snared you.

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Cockersdale and Keith Marsden Doin’ the Manch

Doin’ the manch is the title and first song on a re-released album of songs from Cockersdale and the pen and fertile mind of Keith Marsden. Hopefully this song is playing as a tribute to Keith who died in 1991.
The Manch is Manchester Road in Bradford which contained a record number of pubs most of which get mentioned by Keith in his humorous manner. There was also a serious side to Keiths songs about social conditions in the Yorkshire mines and mills and Cockerdale still sing many of them on the 3 CD’s and in live performances. The live show entitled ‘Picking Sooty Blackberries ‘ is pure Keith but Cockersdale performed ‘Lest we Forget’ the songs of Rudyard Kipling and Peter Bellamy at the Whitby Festival 2008.
Cockersdale Top Ten

Bring Us a Barrel
Follow me Home
Hills of Mullaghbawn
Lost at 21
Three Cheers for Booze
Will Ye Go Te Flanders?
Cholera Camp
Raglan Road
St Aubin sur Mer
Left, Left, Right, Steady
Morley Main =
Home Lads Home

I originally penned this comment in 2009 and went on to watch the reformed Cockersdale at Whitby. The music pathos and humour are still as evocative as the early days with Keith and Cockerdale. Been Around For Years one of 4 LP’s is still available from Fellside

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Wilfred Pickles Have a Go

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You can get snippets of Wilfred Pickles as an actor on youtube or watch a full comedy series with Jimmy Jewel from Barnsley on this boxed DVD of More Northern Comedy.

According to wikipedia Wilfred Pickles was a proud Yorkshireman, (aren’t we all) ‘born in Halifax and having been selected by the BBC as an announcer for its North Region radio service, went on to be an occasional newsreader on the National service during World War II. He was the first newsreader to speak in a regional accent rather than the “BBC English” of the period, and caused some comment with his farewell catchphrase “… and to all in the North, good neet”.’

One of his books ‘The Wifred Pickles Gay Street Book’ with Enid Blyton and the Biggles author Captain W.E. Johns, et al. wouldn’t pass the politically correct brigade in current publishing. In the early post war years Wilfred Pickles was as close to a modern day Celebrity as you could get. Wireless was a great medium for developing catch phrases and Wilfred had his fair share including “Give him the money, Mabel”, “How do, How are yer?”, “Give ’em the money, Barney!” (Barney Colehan) and “Are yer courting?”

The title song to his radio show ‘Have a Go’ will be remembered by the many who attended or listened to the show over it’s 21 years. They never visited the same place twice and had over 1500 outstanding invitations to visit when the show finished.

      “Have a go, Joe, come on and have a go
      You can’t lose owt, it costs you nowt
      To make yourself some dough.
      So hurry up and join us, don’t be shy
      and don’t be slow.
      Come on Joe, have a go!”

Theme and words by Jack Jordan

Mabel, Wilfred’s wife took over ‘at the table’ and Violet Carson (Ena Sharples of Coronation Street) played the piano. The original prize money was 1 pound 18/6, awarded in increments of 2/6, 5/-, 10/- and 1 guinea.

The autobiography of Mabel Pickles by Mabel Myerscough Pickles is still available in some book shops.

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Vexillologist’s Flag Flying over Yorkshire

Vexillology, meaning the study of flags, is intriguing and challenging, I am told by Associated Content. ‘Whether you focus on flags of nations, states, counties, cities, corporations or service groups, you need to be familiar with the basic vocabulary of vexillology. Staff is the correct term for the flag pole.’ Vexillologists cringe when they hear people say a flag is at “half mast” when honoring the deceased. The correct term is “half staff.” Unless the flag is flying from a ship’s mast. That is the only situation when “half mast” is accurate’.

Fascinating Facts about Flags

Flags are normally flown from 8am to sunset but if they are flown at night they should be illuminated.
No permission is needed to fly the national flags and they are excluded from most planning and advertising regulations (but flagpoles may not be).
It is improper to fly the Union Flag upside down.The part of the flag nearest the flagpole should have the wider diagonal white stripe above the red diagonal stripe.
Breaking the flag is a British tradition for flag raising. Hoist the flag while rolled up and secured with a thin piece of cotton or a slip knot. A sharp tug of the halyard then breaks the cotton and release the flag to fly free.

 

East Riding Flag

New Picture

Continue Reading →

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Curry on Bradford

World Curry Festival

Bradford (and their small neighbor Leeds hosted the World Curry festival 2016. Local Bradford lad Zulfi Karim said  ‘The World Curry Festival is a long-held dream for me in which I saw a true celebration of one of Britain’s and the world’s best-loved dishes. But it’s not just about food it’s about a coming together of cultures, too. I’ve traveled the world tasting hundreds of dishes … all the ingredients used to make these delightful curries are found in our supermarkets, it’s just that people don’t know how to use them. And that’s what the festival is about, teaching people how to cook curry.’

new-picture-15

Do you remember those old films with Barbara Windsor, Sid James, Kenneth Williams, Joan Sims and the cast of Carry on ……. Well now we have a sequel to ‘Curry on up the Khyber’ called Curry on Bradford.

 

Funny Old Curry on Bradford

  • Westfield and the Bradford council need a extra hot vindaloo to get them going!
  • Old curry number one hits Livin’ Dhal – Cliff Richard, Tikka Chance On Me – Abba and You Can’t Curry Love – Diana Ross and the Supremes. Blowing in the Wind was disqualified
  • Chicken Tarka Masala is meant to be like Tikka but this is a little ‘otter.
  • I hope readers who have got this far are not disappointed by the title Curry on Bradford. This is Yorkshire you know and you aren’t going to get a curry on anyone, you will have to pay for it thissen.
  • Curry on Bradford’s school meal menus can be wiped off with a wet cloth if you can find a school posh enough to have a menu.
  • Food on Jet2 flights out of Leeds Bradford airport are a bit plane.

Curry Capital of Great Britain 2011

  • To win the title ‘Curry Capital of Great Britain’, Bradford had a spicy fight against contenders such as Leicester, Glasgow, Birmingham and Manchester.
  • The restaurants for curry on Bradford were Prashad, Aagrah Shipley, Kipling’s and Shimla Spice in Keighley. (Curry on Keighley isn’t quite as hot).
  • Curry on Bradford as you know you can win again in 2012 as you can chose from a wide range of curry houses including those listed in the Bradford Curry Guide
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